Some momma thoughts on the middle school years
Middle School. Always depicted as a gauntlet that must be endured and survived. For many reasons, this is not an unfair depiction. Middle school and the years between 12 and 14 are tough! Tough for kids: navigating puberty, growing independence, insecurities, and figuring out who they are individually and in a group. Tough for parents: certainly a glimpse of the greater challenges to come in the high school years (this momma’s heart has now survived that stage twice!); helping them navigate—-well everything I listed above.
Middle school is transition. And transition is never easy.
Educationally kids are still learning the “what.” Now, just more advanced academic skills. But they are also starting to learn how to think critically; to understand bias and form their own opinions (probably should have added middle school opinions to the tough list).
Emotionally—-whew! Middle school is a roller coaster of uncontrolled, opinionated emotions. Sure, this continues into high school. But, in middle school kids start to experience the greater social consequences from unchecked feelings and actions (all with an inability to check a lot of what they feel).
Socially. Middle school is a social minefield. Littered with trip wires and keenly disguised explosive devices. We all remember it (hence, why middle school is always depicted by adults in media as a gauntlet!). In elementary school, kids discover a desire for friends and connections. Middle school is where they learn how to be a good friend (or, a not so good friend). Middle school is where they learn to spot a good friend (or, a not so good friend). It is three years of social elation, social desperation, social inclusion, social isolation. All of which can happen on a random Tuesday.
Like I mentioned, the tough part for parents is helping your kids navigate the gauntlet. It is a period of transition for us as well. Perhaps that is why the teenage years are so dreaded. We must transition from holding their hand to letting it go. Middle school, for me, was a time to learn to pull back. A time to trust. To pray (lots and lots of praying…actually more of that in high school). Trusting and praying that every hurt will strengthen and refine their character; make them tougher. That the consequences of hurting others will soften their hearts and plant the seeds of empathy and compassion. I’ve discovered, my job is no longer to direct. Rather, each year my role evolves into being their guide. Sure, their foundation but more handing them a map and less driving the car (oh, that is coming too!)
I try during these years to know to the best of my ability what they are walking through while trusting them to navigate. I do my best to trust who I know them to be. To trust all they’ve been taught at home so that every trial leads them to be all God created them for and all my momma hope sees within their hearts. Of course, I pray they will come to me when in over their heads, knowing that it is still my job to grab them by the scruff of the neck and re-direct when they make poor choices or help them when they are uncertain.
Most importantly, the middle school years (and many beyond) do their best to lay claim to our children’s identities. I pray my kids remain anchored and stand firm in their true identity: God’s child. When my kids search for how they should behave and what words should come out of their mouths (or typed with their thumbs), I pray they always look to Jesus.
He stood up to, and overcame, the ultimate bully, never relinquishing from His Kingdom purpose.
He sought out and stood by the most bullied.
His words built others up while always remaining rooted in truth.
He was confident enough to walk a righteous path and strong enough to go it alone when required despite the pull or threats of the world.
He led while never leaving anyone behind.
He was always focused on whoever needed his help and was humble enough to serve.
Every action, every word flowed from a heart filled with compassion, truth, and love.
And when Jesus was overwhelmed with the task that lied ahead, he prayed. He sought out the best source of reassurance, guidance, and strength: He went to His Father and His Word.
The middle school years are full of tumult and triumph, bravado and insecurity…our kids are searching for who they will become. I will trust. I will pray without ceasing that they seek first the truth of whose they are and all He made them to be.