TO ALL THE MOMMAS
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day…. I think it’s funny how Father’s Day is about dad spending the day with the kids. In most homes, Mother’s Day is often about dad spending the day with the kids. I mean let’s face it, the ultimate Mother’s Day gift: how about for the entire day you treat me like dad and dad like me! What? Seriously, think about it. Here is an example, just flip the role of mom and dad:
Dad is standing in the kitchen, pouring that first beautiful cup of coffee.
Kids are hungry.
THEY. ARE. IN. THE. KITCHEN.
Mom is in her room. Door shut. Quiet as a mouse. JUST trying to go to the bathroom, take a shower, sleep in (ok that last one is a stretch).
Kids see dad. (Do they? Or, does he have a secret cloaking device? I always wonder.)
Kids ignore dad.
Kids run to get mom because she needs to feed them.
Just my house?
Look, I love being a mom. It is the greatest job, the biggest blessing…yadda, yadda, yadda. BUT…it’s HARD. From the moment you find out you are pregnant, your life force is literally being shared. When your bundle of joy arrives, your life is no longer yours. Not just in the physical reality of no longer getting to sleep, eat, pee, work, and relax on your schedule, but in the “my heart is now outside my body, navigating the 6th level of Jumanji” sorta way.
The simple, biological truth: No matter how great your hubby is (and, mine is great), when your new baby wails, dad’s shirt doesn’t get soaked.
And, although I cannot state it as a biological truth--with a husband who couldn’t love his kids more--he doesn’t feel their wins, their losses, their struggles, their hurts as I do. Which is perfect in the “raising them right” arena because it provides the necessary balance so that our kids grow to be courageous, cautious, and compassionate. This needed balance came quick in my household, the first night our oldest was moved from the bassinet to his own bedroom and crib went like this:
Me: “l’m gonna go check on him. Make sure he is ok.”
Hubby: “He is fed, clean, and fine. He needs to learn to “self-soothe” (don’t you hate it when they read up on things).
Me: now in a state of near hysteria, shirt soaking wet, “I’m going to get my baby and you can’t stop me!”
Hubby: (so calm I wanna Medusa his butt) “William is fine. The first night is the toughest, but if we let him get himself to sleep, we teach him to be a great sleeper.”
Me: curled up in a fetal position on my kitchen floor thinking about ways to tunnel under the house and/or divorce this mean, mean man.
Result: two hours later (yep, I said what I said):
William is fast asleep (and obnoxious side note all four of our kids have always been fantastic at going to bed and leaving us be. Hate it when he is right, but typically he is).
Chris is relaxing on the sofa trying not to gloat, unsuccessfully.
Me, well, I look like a cat that went through the rinse cycle trying not to punch my husband. Still wanting to peak in on that baby!.
From teaching them to sleep independently, this balance in our responses has walked our kids through all the things this Jumanji world makes our kids walk through (that crying baby turns 21 this summer).
Where the balance in our responses is God’s good, good plan. No matter how great your hubby is (and, mine is great—very likely, Chris will read this. Chris YOU ARE THE BEST), dads just don’t experience every scratched knee, disappointment, fear, broken heart, and bad decisions the way moms do. We may no longer be sharing our physical life force, but mommas know that was far easier than having our hearts outside of our bodies. Whatever stage your kiddos are in, as they navigate the world, mom is typically trampled underfoot while dad stands like Miyagi with arms folded across his chest, no doubt thinking “they’ll learn one way or the other.” I mean WE MOMS KNOW, although we’ve never seen it, the world is full of quicksand and our kiddos are in it and desperately need our help!
So, mommas, however you choose to spend tomorrow (surrounded by your children, in a sensory deprivation tank ALONE, with other mommas trying not to talk about your kids or having a whine fest about your kids, holding fast and fiercely to the memory of a child lost held together by faith alone, finding the strength to endure another day struggling to raise your children solo, being celebrated or celebrating your momma, forgiving your mother, or thanking God for the gift of your mom who now resides heaven side):
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”
Proverbs 31:25